If you want to win the right man’s heart, you need to know what it is that makes a man go from just feeling casual about dating you to wanting and needing you on a deeper level.

And I’m talking about a real man – one who is mature and grounded on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. They are on a great path and open to growing on a deeply personal level – a quality kind of guy – a real man looking for a real relationship.

So what does a mature, real man want in a woman?

1) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who is Playful

There’s something that drives men wild and invites them into a deeper level of connection – play.

Men love to be active and to play. They were raised to express themselves and connect with those around them through action.

Unfortunately, too many women seem to forget this and want to talk their way into a man’s heart. But the fact is that men don’t feel it for you because of what you say. It’s not your words that make a man attracted to you, it’s the experiences you create with him.

How can you create a great experience with a man, especially in the early stages of dating? Keep it light! Don’t talk about the crazy ex-boyfriend, problems at work or dysfunctional family relationships as you are getting to know a man. There will be plenty of time to share more serious issues, as the relationship develops.

When a man has fun and feels that magic spark on his dates with you, he will want to spend more time with you and get to know you better.

2) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who is Independent

Lots of women mistakenly believe that men are looking for a “weaker” woman who will make them feel like they are smarter and more powerful.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Real men want a woman who inspires them because she has great things going on her own life. They want a woman who has her own purpose other than being in a relationship.

A great guy isn’t intimidated by independence and success. What matters to a man is that a woman still has space in her life for a great relationship and is grounded and present when she’s with him. What men do not want is to compete with their girlfriends or wives! Enjoy being girlie and flirtatious when you’re with a man.

The best way to communicate this to a man is to stay busy in your own life and not suddenly make him your world. Don’t drop your own interests, responsibilities, and friends just to be with him. And then, when you are with him, really BE with him – have fun and give your attention to him and what you’re doing together.

3) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who is Emotionally Mature

If a man feels attracted to a woman, eventually there’s going to be a situation that comes up where you and a man will see something differently and misunderstand each other.

How will you respond to this and share your feelings?

A woman who has the maturity to not blame or criticize a man for what she’s feeling, but to share her feelings in an honest and authentic way that helps a man better understand her will be attractive to a man.

How a woman handles her emotions is one of the most important things men look for when deciding whether or not to get serious with a woman. If she lets her emotions get out of control, this is a big red flag to him.

On the other hand, if she can present her feelings to him in a calm, non-dramatic manner, she will win his respect and make him feel like she’s the kind of woman who will be a real partner to him. He’ll see that she can handle things with a cool head rather than becoming a damsel in distress he has to rescue.

4) A Real Man Wants a Woman He’s Intensely Attracted To

Fact: Men aren’t as scared of commitment and relationships, as they are scared of being in a relationship with a woman where there is no passion and attraction.

A common way women accidentally kill the attraction men might be feeling is by either trying too hard to get him to like you, or by acting like the relationship is too serious too soon.

Relax and let things happen naturally. Make sure you do and say things that interject fun and humor into your relationship from the very start. There’s nothing more appealing to a man than a great woman who knows how to relax and have fun.

You can do this through playful teasing, flirting, humor, and being unpredictable (in a good way).

Once you’re in a relationship, don’t be afraid to shake things up. If you normally go to brunch on Sundays, suggest something completely different like a bike ride and a picnic.

Mixing things up keeps the relationship fun for both of you, and being a woman who is open to new experiences is very attractive to him.

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1.  Have Fun

Dating is stressful.  No doubt about it.  Even if you have been on lots of dates, I don’t think anyone is ever entirely comfortable meeting a new potential romantic partner.  And often, we get so nervous or stressed that we forget to enjoy the process.  It is about the journey, not the destination!  Take the pressure off and just look at it as a fun evening out.  Don’t go through mental gymnastics imagining your future together.  Stay in the moment.  Ask questions.  Learn what your dinner partner is passionate about and share your passions.

2.  Keep it Light

We all have had bad experiences in our lives.  Some of us have had less than ideal upbringings, some have crazy ex-wives or husbands.  A date is not the time to bring up those issues.  I repeat:  keep the baggage in the closet!  It sounds so obvious, but it happens all the time.  Sometimes, on the very first phone call (I am not kidding!).  There is a time to take it to a deeper level and talk about your past.  But it’s not the first date.  Not even the second date!  Take your time to get to know one another and then, sharing one’s past will become a natural part of the process.  Remember, your date is not your friend (yet), coach or counselor.

3. Common Courtesy

Return phone calls, e-mails or text messages in a timely manner (and this goes for ladies and gentlemen).  Treat your date like you would like to be treated.  Had a nice time?  Acknowledge it.  Don’t feel that he or she is right for you?  Make a phone call and let them know.  No break-ups by e-mail or text!

4.  Fools Rush In…

Likewise, there is the “it never got out of 1st gear” relationship, where both parties are so tentative, that things will eventually fizzle out and die.  You both had a good time, but are too hesitant to go out again.  Think of dating as tending to a plant.  You don’t want to over-water and you don’t want to let it dry out.  There’s your metaphor for the day …

6.  Keep an Open Mind

If your ideal man is George Clooney without the commitment issues, it is time to revise your list.  Be realistic about the type of partner you see yourself with.  If you meet someone who has the core values and character traits that are important to you, but he may be a bit shorter than your ideal, give it a chance.  Too many rash decisions are being made after just one date…

7.  Don’t Forget the Romance

Too many dates feel like job interviews with drinks!  You don’t want to ask questions as if you are going over a checklist.  Let the conversation evolve naturally and be flirtatious and fun.  No one wants to be interrogated.  Like the lady you’re with?  Make her feel like a girl!  Compliment her dress, eyes or smile.  Laugh together.  Life is too short to look at dating as a competitive sport.

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Question:  I got divorced a few years ago and have been dating several men since, yet I can’t seem to find “the one.”  The men I meet seem to be happy dating indefinitely, but don’t want to commit.  I want to get married again and don’t have the time or patience to play games.

I hear your frustration and understand your situation.  I do have some encouraging news for you:  there are good and commitment-minded men out there.  The question is:  how to find them?  In what situations do you currently meet men?  If they approach you in bars or nightclubs, they might not be having the same relationship goals as you do.   What types of men do you find yourself attracted to?  Often, we have great chemistry with individuals who are not good for us.

While it is an important factor in a successful relationship, chemistry is not an indicator of compatibility.  You may want to consider stepping out of your “comfort zone” and meet different types of men or meet men in other settings.  What are your hobbies and interests?  Could you join a group or club of like-minded people?  What kind of “signals” do you send to men in a social setting?  You may want to consider working with a dating coach to further examine past patterns.

Sterling Introductions offers an affordable coaching program, which I personally conduct.  You do not have to be a member of our matchmaking service to sign up for coaching. One of the advantages of joining Sterling Introductions is that all of our members, both male and female, are commitment-minded.  You may be able to meet interesting people on your own, but do they want to share your life with you?

If you are ready for a life-time commitment, you may want to become a member of Sterling Introductions to find the happiness you deserve.

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Far too many singles ignore the red warning flags and hope that they might be able to either change their partner or that the problems might magically get resolved over time.  This type of thinking is asking for trouble down the road.

The time to watch out for those red flags is before one develops deep attachments to another person.  Often, the warning signs are on display right at the beginning of a potential relationship, during the first date.

At Sterling Introductions, we screen each of our potential members for five major “dealbreakers” during the initial first conversation.  These 5 “red flags” are addictions, controlling personality, anger, unresolved prior relationship issues, and negativity.  Any individual who shows signs of those issues will not be accepted for membership. For those of you, who are actively dating without the professional assistance of a matchmaker, you want to watch for those signs during the first date or early in a relationship.

1)  Addictions

An addiction is defined as a behavior that has negative effects on one’s health, work, or relationships.  Addictions range from alcoholism, nicotine, prescription drugs, sexual habits, or gambling.  Often, addicts are skilled liars, so watch out for behavioral signs.  Having three or four drinks before dinner on a first date is certainly a warning sign and should not be ignored.  You may want to keep your eyes open for erratic or frantic mannerisms, which could be a sign for prescription drug or other types of drug use and abuse.

2)  Controlling Personality

This one might be a bit harder to spot on the very first date.  Listen to overly impulsive statements, such as “I have never felt this way before,” or “you are the type of person I have been looking for my whole life.”  Control freaks often move the relationship forward at breakneck speed, overwhelming and showering their interest with excessive compliments, unrealistic plans for the future, and wanting to spend too much time together too quickly.  If it appears too good to be true, watch out.  Slow things down, if you feel uncomfortable.  If it is meant to last, he or she will respect your wishes.  If not, you will save yourself from future heartache.

3)  Anger

Often, a person has deep anger issues that may manifest themselves in extreme sarcasm, or misplaced attempts at humor.  Anger is the result of pain, frustration, fear or hurt.  Watch out how a person handles everyday situations, such as dealing with a delay at a dinner reservation, or a mistake by the waiter on a drink order.  Does he or she handle the issue calmly and respectfully, or do you experience or sense confrontation or inappropriate hostility? You do not want to proceed in forming a relationship with someone who may fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.

4) Unresolved Prior Relationship Issues

While having relationship experience and past relationship failures is normal (especially for mature adults), you do not want to be with someone who clearly hasn’t moved on from the “ex-factor.”  If the date monopolizes the conversation with stories about his or her ex, it is a clear red flag.  There is a time to discuss prior relationships, but it is highly inappropriate to bring up serious past relationship issues during the first dinner with a new prospective partner.  An individual who constantly talks about prior relationships is stuck in the past and clearly has unresolved issues that may require professional help.

5)  Negativity

Negative people are like vampires.  Instead of sucking blood, though, they will drain your energy, self-esteem and confidence.  Life has a way of presenting many challenges to us along the way.  And when these challenges appear, we need to be with a supportive partner and not with someone who will focus on how bad things are.  Is your date complaining and blaming others for his or her circumstances?  Does he or she make uplifting remarks about your hopes and dreams or is he or she telling you that your dreams are impossible?  Run, do not walk, from anyone who is toxic and has negative energy.

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If you want to win the right man’s heart, you need to know what it is that makes a man go from just feeling casual about dating you to wanting and needing you on a deeper level.

And I’m talking about a real man – one who is mature and grounded on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. They are on a great path and open to growing on a deeply personal level – a quality kind of guy – a real man looking for a real relationship.

So what does a mature, real man want in a woman?

1) A Real Man Wants A Woman Who is Playful

There’s something that drives men wild and invites them into a deeper level of connection – play.

Men love to be active and to play. They were raised to express themselves and connect with those around them through action.

Unfortunately, too many women seem to forget this and want to talk their way into a man’s heart. But the fact is that men don’t feel it for you because of what you say. It’s not your words that make a man attracted to you, it’s the experiences you create with him.

How can you create a great experience with a man, especially in the early stages of dating?  Keep it light!  Don’t talk about the crazy ex-boyfriend, problems at work or dysfunctional family relationships as you are getting to know a man.  There will be plenty of time to share more serious issues, as the relationship develops.

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Please check back soon for exciting updates.

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